Youth and Family Ministry at Unity Temple

2010-02-03T17:07:00.000-06:00

From Katie Barnes, Youth Education Director

We get more of what we focus on...what are you focusing on with your kids?

A fellow parent from Unity recently shared with me her frustration at her own lack of patience dealing with her child when she needed to get something done and couldn’t be 100% present with the child. The more focused she became on an adult conversation, the more focused her child became on acting out. I, too, have found that when I am busy and needing to attend to my grown-up stuff, it is more likely for my kids to act out. Telling them to “hold on” or “wait until I’m finished” does little to buy their patience. It usually makes matters worse.

Here's a technique that I have found to work: I spend fifteen minutes on the floor or at the table, playing or reading with them while giving them my full attention. During this time, I don't talk to them in a conversational way, but instead comment on what they are doing. I say, “Okay, I see you are putting the blue block next to the red one,” and so on - kindly narrating what they are doing. By focusing closely on their movements and activities, I am telling them that they are important to me and that I am very interested in what they are doing, After this close interaction, I can usually have thirty or so minutes to get something done. If they still need my full attention, I let them know that I will set a timer for thirty minutes and, when it goes off, they will have my undivided attention again. Give it a try and let me know if it works!

2010-01-22T13:07:00.000-06:00

Family Tubing

Tornado Alley Tube Park

January 24

3 to 5 P.M.

Snow Creek

Westin, MO

Join in the fun! All ages welcome to this family event hosted by the Youth Education crew at Unity Temple and Unity Village. Meet at Snow Creek at 2:30. Group price is $20; 15 people per group. To check conditions or get directions, go to www.skisnowcreek.com and click on tubing. Dress according to the weather as if you were going sledding. Layers and waterproof outerwear suggested. Have questions? Contact

katie.unitytemple@gmail.com

Unity Temple on the Plaza

2009-12-17T13:18:00.002-06:00

What’s up in 2010 for Youth Ed?

The focus of the youth program in 2010 is on Unity’s 12 Powers of Man. Our year-long lesson series, entitled “A Celebration of Our 12 Powers”, is based on a 12 month curriculum written by Unity Licensed Teacher, Reverend Diane Venzera, and was designed with four main objectives in mind:

Understanding the definition of the 12 powers in relation to Unity Thought Principles
Recognizing how each of the Powers already show up in our lives
Inviting discovery of tools that will help draw forth the fullest expression of each Power
Making empowered choices that lead to leading a conscious life

The 12 Powers of Man come from divine ideas, or truths, that are available to us through our twelve mental/emotional/spiritual faculties: Faith, Love, Strength, Good Judgment, Power, Imagination, Understanding, Will, Order, Zeal, Elimination, and Life. These are the God-given qualities that are available to each person and can be used to develop inner balance, peace, and harmony. Each month we will learn about one of the 12 Powers through creative experiences, stories, games and science. The lessons are designed to meet the children at their own unique developmental levels and are complimented by several exceptional children’s books. The teens use a metaphysical interpretation of the Bible entitled The Message by Eugene H. Peterson for most lessons. For more information on Reverend Diane Venzera's innovative curriculum, click here.

Here's a sample of the books we'll be using:

Becoming Me

Martin Boroson

2009-11-23T17:19:00.002-06:00

You are invited to drop your children off at Unity Temple on the Plaza for a…..

Parent’s Afternoon Out!

December 5 from 1-4 pm

Children ages 5 and older will spend a supervised afternoon making gingerbread houses and holiday crafts in the Power and Light classroom while you shop or dine on the Plaza!

Suggested love offering is $10 per child.

Reservation required. RSVP to Katie at katie.unitytemple@gmail.com

Open to ages 5-14 years old!

2009-11-09T17:46:00.000-06:00

So, how do I best reach the teenage boy in my life?

As the mother of 4 and youth director of many more, I am often asked how I handle difficult situations with children without losing my cool or alienating my children. Though I have worked with teenage boys and girls for the past 5 years, I really didn’t have an especially good answer to the question above. So I took the question to Shari Wilson, an experienced high school educator and counselor who also volunteers in Youth Education at Unity Temple on the Plaza.

Here is a list of suggestions from Shari Wilson

As a high school teacher for the past six years, I have seen a trend in a higher number of discipline referrals for teenage boys versus teenage girls. Often when I make a phone call to a parent about his or her son acting out in class I hear the same exasperated voice on the other end of the line, “I just don’t know what to do with him!” So what is it about raising teenage boys that is so difficult? Much of what I have learned through research and observation is that teenage boys are acting out in response to the expectations that society has placed on them. As a society we tend to expect boys to be tough – to hide any feelings of fear, uncertainty, loneliness, and need. Unfortunately, we have done a disservice to men and boys in our society by expecting them to hide behind a mask of masculine bravado. Once boys reach adolescence they find themselves trying to live up to a new level of social responsibility. According to clinical psychologist and author Anthony E. Wolf, “they are expected to ‘man up,’ to become leaders, wage earners, models of self-sufficiency. They are expected to succeed in the working world, to be the risk-taker in initiating social and dating relationships, yet still somehow remain sensitive and open to females as equals and partners. Because they feel totally unprepared to meet the challenge, the result can be either fight or flight— aggression and rebellion or retreat and withdrawal.” They also often feel that it is necessary to handle their problems alone. According to Brad Munson, “a boy is not expected to reach out -- to his family, his friends, his counselors, coaches, or teachers -- for help, comfort, understanding, and support. So he is simply not as close as he could be to the people who love him and yearn to give him the human connections of love, caring, and affection every person needs. The problem for those of us who want to help is that, on the outside, the boy who is having problems may seem cheerful and resilient while keeping inside the feelings of being troubled, lonely, afraid, and desperate.” It can be difficult to detect what is really going on with a teenage boy below the surface until it becomes obvious when they go "over the edge" and get into trouble at school, start to fight with friends, start drinking and/or taking drugs, erupt into physical violence, or are diagnosed with clinical depression.

1. Be attentive and sensitive
First, act fast. Do not let a boy’s withdrawal go too far. Parenting expert and author Susan Morris Shaffer states, “Teenage boys are one of the groups at greatest risk for suicide, and it’s important that parents keep an eye out for self-destructive behaviors.” These behaviors can range from bad grades to rowdy behavior, from "seeming quiet" to manifesting symptoms of depression, from using drugs or alcohol to becoming a perpetrator or victim of violence. Understand that he is not doing these things to hurt you, so try not to take it personally.

2. Talk to him and understand him
The second step is to talk to boys so that they do not feel afraid or ashamed to share their true feelings. Be patient with them, do not push, and do not nag. Be gentle and kind. Show your boy that he means a lot to you and that you are proud of him. Avoid lectures or long conversations and try ‘small doses’ of intimacy. Try to just deal with one or two problems at a time.

3. Give him time
Boys who do share their feelings often take longer to do so than girls do. A girl might open up when asked the first time but boys will refuse when approached the first time. We need to learn how to give boys the time they need and recognize the signals in their words and actions that they are ready to talk. A boy usually has to set the clock himself. He has to determine how much time he needs to remain silent before opening up to share his feelings. If we learn to become sensitive and respect his emotions, it will make it easy for him to be honest about the feelings behind the mask.

4. Don’t hyper-parent

According to parentteen.com, hyper-parenting is when parents over-book their children. They are trying to live vicariously through their children. Numerous factors show that over- scheduled and sleep deprived teenage boys produce less and have a higher level of anxiety as adults. It is healthy for boys to be involved in activities, just be aware of how much pressure you are placing on them and know when it is time to cut back.

5. Set limits

Do not feel bad about setting limits. Your son undoubtedly will resist, but he still needs—and even wants—boundaries to be set for him. Make sure that you have clear consequences, both positive and negative and put it in writing. Have a family meeting when setting limits and consequences using your son’s experience and input in the process. It is also very important that you are consistent in following through with what you have agreed upon.

6. Find a male mentor

With or without a dad in the picture, a boy needs healthy contact with other boys and other male adults, too. Consider seeking out a mentor program sponsored by local churches or clubs run by carefully screened and trained adults. These programs give teenage boys contact with male adults as well as peers, working on civic projects, going on trips, or just hanging out.

7. Tell them “I love you”

Josh and James Weidman – a father and son team – talked to hundreds of teenagers and created a list of seven stunning messages for dads, but I think these messages are universal. Here are the messages of these teens:

o Tell me you love me

o Love me with actions, not just words

o I need your friendship

o You’ve always been my hero

o I need you to listen

o Be my coach

o Help me figure out who I am

I think that these are words that we can all follow. Keep in mind that the younger you can start this process, the better adjusted your son will be. You do not have to wait for there to be a problem to follow these steps. Also, know that these suggestions are not only for parents, but can be used by other family members, friends, teachers, counselors, and coaches.

Shari Wilson is in her sixth year as a science teacher at Olathe East High School. In May 2009 she will earn her Master’s degree in School Counseling from Emporia State University. Shari lives in Kansas City with her husband Blake; two dogs, Lily and Sawyer; two cats, Smeagol and Flea; and two finches. She loves watching wildlife, hiking, and gardening. Her dream is to own a family farm and retreat center with her husband where physical, mental, and spiritual health are promoted.

2009-01-08T13:38:00.000-06:00

January 2009

PARENT TAKE HOME LETTER

Once every 3 months, Youth Education hosts a Parent’s Day or Night Out where you can bring your child, K-8, to a planned activity supervised by youth education staff. There is usually a suggested love offering per family based on the cost of supplies for the event. In December, we hosted our 2nd gingerbread house making party and it was fun for all.

Our next event will be a board-game night on Friday February 27^th from 6-9 pm. You can reserve a space for your child by emailing Katie Barnes at katie.unitytemple@gmail.com . There will be reminders posted in upcoming bulletins and in the February parent take home letter as well.

CELEBRATION OF NEW LIFE

Each year new lives join our congregation through birth and adoption. If a new life has joined your family during this past year, we invite you to take part in a special celebration and blessing ceremony during the service February 1, 2009. This blessing of infants and adopted children is a time to rejoice in the wonder of God’s love expressed anew.

If you would like to participate in the service, please let the Youth Education Department know so that we can have seats reserved for you in the sanctuary. You may sign up in the Angel Loft or call or email Katie Barnes at 816-561-4466, ext. 127.

JANUARY LESSONS

Lessons in the coming weeks will be based on a new curriculum entitled Unity Peacemakers developed in 2008 by collaboration with Kansas City area Unity Youth Education Directors. The 12 week curriculum was created to coincide with the annual observation of the Season for Non-Violence that commemorates the 64 days between the assassination anniversaries of peacemakers Mahatma Gandhi on January 30 and Martin Luther King, Jr. on April 4. A Season of Non-violence is an international, grassroots movement begun in 1997 that is dedicated to demonstrating that nonviolence is a powerful way to heal, transform and empower our lives and our communities. The curriculum focuses on the lives of 4 peace heroes: Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Theresa, and Jesus and will be presented in preschool through middle school classrooms in an age-appropriate format.

BRINGING IT HOME… If you are interested in obtaining a copy of the Unity Peacemakers curriculum, you can go to http://unity.org/index and download your free copy from our website. May all of you and your families have a beautiful and blessed New Year!

2008-12-08T16:58:00.002-06:00

PARENT TAKE HOME LETTER
December 2008

Dear Families,
In the four weeks preceding Christmas we will explore the symbols of Advent. Advent means “The Coming” and refers to the coming of the Christ. For our children, Advent can be a time to reflect on the qualities of Hope, Joy, Peace, and Love which are at the heart of the holidays. Each week we will light another candle as we explore the themes of Advent and the Nativity.

Wish Upon a Star!
Thank you to everyone who helped make the holiday adoption of foster care children a great success! Unity families adopted 60 Kansas City foster children from the Cornerstones of Care organization and generously helped to fulfill their holiday wishes. Your loving gifts will brighten so many young faces! Thank you for your help!

Teacher Appreciation Coffee
Come one and come all! Join with the Youth Education staff and our adult volunteers to celebrate the gift of service that all our volunteers so generously provide to the children at Unity Temple. We will have coffee, pastries, fellowship and prayer in the Manse dining room from 9am to 10 am on Sunday December 14th. If you are not part of the volunteer staff, but would like to show your support for these wonderful teachers we encourage you to come by and say thanks!

Parent’s Day Out
We would like to invite you to drop your children off at Unity Temple on Saturday, December 20th from 1pm to 4pm while you shop or dine on the Plaza. Little ones under the age of 4 will be supervised by loving Youth of Unity teens in the Angel Loft; all other children are welcome to join in making gingerbread houses in the Power and Light classroom. Suggested love offering is $10 per family and a reservation is required. RSVP to Katie at katie.unitytemple@gmail.org or call the YE office at 816-561-4466, #127 on or before December 18, 2008.

Bringing it home…
The Christmas season is one of great excitement and anticipation for adults and little ones alike. But just as parents and caretakers can sometimes feel overwhelmed by the extra activities and demands of the holidays, children can become frazzled by having too much going on. Try to take some time every now and then to just BE with your child. Cuddle up and read a favorite book, take a walk through the park, or gaze at Christmas lights outside your window. It doesn’t really matter so much what you do, it is just important that you do it together. These are the times that your child will remember long after the longed-for presents have been forgotten. Remember in this time of giving that your child is God’s greatest gift to you, and you the greatest gift to your child.

For more information, contact Katie Barnes at katie@unitytemple.com or 816-561-4466 X127

2008-10-09T13:59:00.004-05:00

November Lessons and Activities

Gratitude

-November 14-16 Fall YOU Rally

-November 21 Parents’ Night Out PJ Party

-November 30 Last Day for Wish Upon a Star Drive

Our Annual Wish Upon a Star Holiday Drive will take place in November this year. Thanks to the generosity of our wonderful congregation, Unity Temple has been able to help hundreds of foster care children and their families celebrate the holiday season the past 2 years. You pick a child, get a list of wishes and bring unwrapped presents back to the church by 11/30. We only have a five stars left!

Contact Katie Barnes for more information at katie@unitytemple.com.