From Katie Barnes, Youth Education Director

We get more of what we focus on...what are you focusing on with your kids?

A fellow parent from Unity recently shared with me her frustration at her own lack of patience dealing with her child when she needed to get something done and couldn’t be 100% present with the child. The more focused she became on an adult conversation, the more focused her child became on acting out. I, too, have found that when I am busy and needing to attend to my grown-up stuff, it is more likely for my kids to act out. Telling them to “hold on” or “wait until I’m finished” does little to buy their patience. It usually makes matters worse.

Here's a technique that I have found to work: I spend fifteen minutes on the floor or at the table, playing or reading with them while giving them my full attention. During this time, I don't talk to them in a conversational way, but instead comment on what they are doing. I say, “Okay, I see you are putting the blue block next to the red one,” and so on - kindly narrating what they are doing. By focusing closely on their movements and activities, I am telling them that they are important to me and that I am very interested in what they are doing, After this close interaction, I can usually have thirty or so minutes to get something done. If they still need my full attention, I let them know that I will set a timer for thirty minutes and, when it goes off, they will have my undivided attention again. Give it a try and let me know if it works!